Squealing in the Marshland

Gator Hunt — Part 1: The whole night started out in the Best Possible Way … with massive quantities of FOOD. Our Gator-Hunting Pro, the world-famous Shambenie Watts, also turned out to be a fish-frying pro, and he musta fried 60 pounds of the finest catfish I may have ever eaten. I kept eating more and more of it, in the attempt to determine, once and for all, for my own satisfaction, that it was, in fact, the finest catfish I'd ever eaten. I would eat four or five fillets and think to myself, “I do believe that was the finest catfish I’ve ever eaten,” but by the time it was gone, I would begin to doubt and question that premise and feel the need for further clarification on the matter — and so a few or several more pieces were warranted. After I don't know how many plates of catfish, I was finally totally convinced that this was, in fact, THE finest catfish I’d ever eaten.
But then, there were Scott's Deviled Aigs, of which there are 3 varieties—reg'lar (my fave), with caviar (Kyle’s pick) and pickled with jalapenos (real crowd pleasers)—and there were 14 —FOURTEEN — dozen of this assortment and so, once again, I was forced to make an assessment as to whether or not these were, in fact, the finest deviled aigs I’d ever eaten. Lord only knows how many THAT took …
Well, then there was the caramel cake, carolinescakes.com. I already KNEW this was the best caramel cake, ever in the history of the ENtire world, Living or Dead — but I had to have many hunks of it, just to celebrate my great good fortune at having one in my possession, not to mention in my mouth.
I was hardly alone. Joining me in my gluttony was the whole Squealin’ Boat team (except for Allen and Jeffrey but we'll get to them in a minute): Katie, Angie, Ellyn, Pippa, Scott, Charles, Craig, Allen, Jeffrey, and boat captain Victor. The Hunters were around, scarffin’ up nabs as well, especially Kyle, Leigh and Jamie, but they were so keyed up to get ON THE HUNT, they didn't really deprive us of too much. Shambenie fell victim to the lure of the caramel cake, though — he saw those seven layers and all that icing and he was a goner.
Suffice it to say, the Squealin’ Boat was ridin’ a tad LOW in the water by the time we all got through, but we knew it was potentially gonna be a long night — and we did not want to risk hunger pangs settin’ in, with us out in the middle of the swamp, snackless. So all of the food that we did not consume on land, was loaded onto the Squealin’ Boat.
A word about the boat provided for the Squealers: Very Fine. We so wish we had it for ourownselfs. It was huge (always good since, uh, so are we) and it was double-decker (we love a boat with a penthouse) and it had a slide off the back that was nearly vertical. We were dying to go down that slide — except our enthusiasm for that idea was quickly quelled by the recollection of Why We Were There to Begin With — HUNTING for A-L-L-I-G-A-T-O-R-S. No slidin’ for these Squealers!
The Squealers Boat also featured a quaint and quite functional potty — suggested to us by my dear high school friend and fellow Queen, Lynn Lee — and implemented (in predictable minute detail) by The Cutest Boy in the World, who is, as we know, just a tad compulsive when it comes to building crap.
We used one of Mama’s “potty chairs,” secured firmly in a back corner of the boat — surrounded by a shower curtain, hung from a HULA HOOP and somehow suspended above the chair. The stiff breeze amplified by the forward motion of the boat required that two Assistants stand on either side to hold the curtain in place, but all in all, it was quite satisfactory. They’ll probably feature a similar set-up in SKYMALL soon.
To be continued …